LikeTheFlowingRiver

It was of Rarity. I found myself flying without wings, floating in the air. Then I got the butterflies fluttering in my stomach too and the flies winging their way off my swats. Though obscure, my mind insisted to believe that it was going to put my bleakness on ice. So happy I felt, so nervous too.

So I followed it through, only to find that it was just a placebo to handle the tiny tedium which was breeding underneath my skin, throughout my veins, waiting for my system to kaput. Exaggerated as you may find it, I only doubt if placebos have any less effect than the real thing anyways…

Well, obviously the thrill has reduced to rubble. I ended up flushing the butterflies off my system, and swatting the flies into dead black sesame. Wearisome, it is. For that reason, I don’t fuse beliefs with facts anymore. Facts could get ill-defined when muddled-up with false beliefs, as how the placebo has worked on me (but not anymore).

Conclusion: Never easily get carried away
i.a.a.

Ask her how she is doing,

If you see Sara

Would you tell her that

I miss her so much

That I still need her ears

And heart and hands

And her presence, a loving friend

If you see Sara,

Would you let her know that

I was in love

And I need her to teach me

How to keep up

With this world

Like she did

When love had turned its back from her

I’m not sure where Sara is,

But if you get to see her

Tell her I am not fine

I am facing a battle from my own hands

Tell her I now understand

When she explained how love could hurt

And hurt you the most…

Tell Sara I had a man

Whom my father had frowned on

Way off intent  

I had left him with deep wounds

Which never would close without a scar

And even time would heal it ajar

But, if only Sara could hear me,

I know she could also feel

How blessed I have felt

When I found this man,

Whom I could love,

Whom my family had approved

Despite my friends’ censures

Then I became so determined as never before

But he just had to put his other agendas first, Sara

And he doesn’t know where he had crossed the line

That’s why when he returned to me

I couldn’t help but keeping what’s mine…

My life without him

Sara I had so much loved him,

We both thought it was true love

But he just had to deny me

When I needed him the most

Though he said he never had done that

Though he said he hasn’t changed a bit

With his love until this day

Perhaps he thought true love is what worked his way

But I only found that funny, Sara…

Don’t you think?

What’d you do Sara?

Please ask her for me

If she’s in my shoes

I think Sara would say to me…

If your heart feels nothing

And as numb

And you’re not crying,

Though your heart has turned into crumbs

Well your heart is working

And yet nothing is ruined

Because you’ll find true love,

You’ll find true love when you find it…

I know Sara would say that to me

I just need to hear it from you, Sara

Please just let her know everything for me

If you see Sara…

i.a.a.

A tribute to Sara:-

I’m Yours by The Script

It might not have a single sound

But I think I heard it

It might be nothing to the sight

But I believe I saw it

And it might be nothing at all

But I felt it…

Coz it was hard to feign

Pleasure.. over the pain

And it is even harder

To hide what I feel inside

When the hardest thing to hide

Is something that is not… even there…

“I’m sorry,,, it’s just not there…”

imanamerazhar

A friend of mine was suggested to find a man and “get pregnant” to tell if he is going to be the one for her, by a Chinese colleague when she sighed at the doubts towards her boyfriend. Taken aback, she replied, “No way Jose, I am not gonna let all of my children get binti Abdullah instead of their father’s name!!” “Oh,,, rite…”

 *****

Deeply concerned about a colleague who always came in late to office, my friend advised him to pick up his discipline, and that he shouldn’t be scratching his head over why-no-salary-increment anymore. But all she got was, “You know what, that is very true. That fact has long made me think, how am I going to send my child to school if I have one someday? School starts at what, 7 a.m., huh??”

 *****

My department at office has come to the overloaded circumstance. “How could we let an Administrator do the too technical QS work? Let the Quantity Surveyors do the job(but not me)!” “Well Boss, they say when the pain is great enough, we will let anyone be doctor.”

 *****

There was a friend who had a low self esteem dilemma expressing her feelings. “Oh, it’d be so nice if I could be as bright and beautiful and intelligent as her, don’t you think? I could have attracted Hans Isaac with her package!” “Yeah, if I don’t fancy being me now, and should wish to be someone else, why on earth should I even think highly of the influences which have made me what I am?” “#_#…tak paham la ape ko cakap…”

Alhamdulillah
we get to see Ramadhan again. Because last Ramadhan I didn’t have enough of it.
At least I felt so. I can’t really recall what I did last Ramadhan.  Bangun
sahur-puasa-visit bazaar Ramadhan-buka puasa dengan kawan-kawan-Tarawih-baca
Qur’an sikit-sikit-puasa-Tarawih-cuti puasa-puasa again-tak sempat
Tarawih-puasa lagi-buka puasa kat tempat best-terlepas sahur-puasa-shopping
raya-and ganti puasa… that was it. Hmm…We’ve been given enough rope, but most
of us only got ourselves hung instead. Most of us did, I know.

I mean,
we all know how big and sacred and precious and special the month of Ramadhan
is. We all know it isn’t just about refraining from eating, drinking, and
intercourse or anything like it… It even makes us think of the misfortunes of
the poor, and takes in a sense of solidarity and mutual care among us Muslims
of all backgrounds. Regardless how high we are now, how at peak, how
intelligent and how ever rich and content we are now, we know we should have
depleted all the inflated opinions of ourselves… and return back on the ground.
But how many of us make the most of it? Of Ramadhan…

Lest we
never see Ramadhan again (because we never know), let’s spare ourselves with extra
‘ibadah beyond our routine during Ramadhan, viz. solat Tarawih, voluntary night
prayer, reading sections from the Qur’an, and paying voluntary charity to the
poor… ease off the backbiting or badmouthing and all the so-worldly engagements,
fortify ourselves with tazkirahs, and get to understand the meaning of the
Qur’anic verses. We know we don’t need to wait for that ‘time of life’ to get
to start all these…

We’ve
heard this saying (I can’t recall where from) ‘Bekerjalah seperti kamu akan
hidup seribu tahun lagi, beribadatlah seperti kamu akan mati pada esok hari’.
There’s another little add-on (but
from Roger Miller), ‘Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet’. Well,
got what he meant?

imanamerazhar

I am dying to
know

If this quest
is going to show

Things I’ve
been looking for

For the faith
that I’ve sowed

Only I don’t
have the bold

I’ve laughed
enough

For the twists
that thrilled

And I’ve cried
enough

For the twirls
that killed

But I don’t
have the bold still

Oh would I seek
in eternity

Like this

If the found…

Existed?

Because
I’ve wasted my age

Running
after things

I
could have gauged

Just
at a standstill

Though
I’ve savoured
short spells

But
short and swift

I
was just left…

With
unkempt faith

imanamerazhar

Seeking is not always the
way to find.  ~Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at
Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827

I rather appear unadorned, than having to put up with such a twist. Wrong. I rather hedge my bets, than having to mull over the unthinkable. Na’ah… It has been the law across the world that everything happens for a reason (or reasons). Everything has at least a single explanation behind its incidence. Or, if not reason, we might want to call it hikmah, or in a lower account it could be called excuse.

I am in Brunsfield now because I chose to (and fought for it). I am a QS now because I decided to stay to be in the line of which I had chosen during studies (instead of painting my @$$ off my passion for arts and designs). I am still single because I hated it when getting married seemed to be merely compelling than what it was supposed to convey to me. I am purchasing that car because I am deeply in love with the colour. I was bleeding on the face because I couldn’t stand it and squeezed those nasty breakouts. These happened because I chose them to (of course with the God’s will) (and for the reasons I still have no idea of too, but that’s not the point).

Eh, he bled on the face too? But out of the slaps and the bashes he got from his impertinent behaviour, huh? Now that is coincidence. We never have planned to bleed on the face ‘together’ (you know what I mean). May be I was fated to have pinched the zits so that I wouldn’t have to bear the thumping sensation on my face and that was how it had worked for me. May be him too, met his very own fate just so he learned and became a better person in whatever respect. Well the two reasons make it no coincidence anymore, do they? We bled for some reasons. No coincidence.

Then we shared our experiences on the ‘blood losses on the face’ and we didn’t know what to think about it anymore. Ehm, I bled, you bled, how timely, perhaps we are meant to be together… sold short, eh. Ha ha… talking unplanned unintended non-premeditated incidence, I sometimes question the soundness of that law too.

Is there any yardstick when to call it what? As in you call it coincidence when you just want to take it lightly and think nothing more of it (because you are doing just okay with it anyway). And it is called luck when it turns out better than you thought. It could also be opportunity when the occurrence leads to another prospect. A miracle when you are left astonished with nothing but amazement and bewilderment.

A mistake when you believe that you should have done something else and that you’ve failed yourself. An accident is the off-putting side of luck. Being star-crossed is just another version of the disappointment. Or you name it fate when you have tried every measure of abstinence but it still happened the way you didn’t want it to (or may be the way you did expect it to be, too) (only that you believed nothing could be done about it but to let it be).

Let’s keep off the concern of how God wants things to happen in the first place (because He has the utmost power unto us His creatures, He’d say kuun fa yakuun, yet He calls us to strive instead of giving up over anything). Hmm…so, not doing any reasoning and taking things as mere coincidence equals giving up now, huh? Well, we all should get clued-up by now, shouldn’t we?

Ultimately, it makes sense that things happen for so many reasons. But it is of the things around us that we have had no single idea or expectation about which impinge on our thoughts and ourselves (or the things which should have at the very least triggered for us Muslims to strive instead of going plateau and numb). It could appear motivating or degrading or in between. Right. So what do we do about it? About what’s happening and what’s coming…

Think. Decide how you want it to be. Believe it to happen. Pray for it. Accept. Be grateful. I mean, be grateful regardless the upshot. So flounder no more. Because the most thrilling part, sooner or later, is to own up to the quirks…!

I.A.A.

“Why is this happening? This has got to mean something. I’ve never thought it would occur this way. It has never crossed my mind to get to be here right now. I’ve been calling it a halt so long. Now I am seeing him again. In a way I have never thought of. Has it been premeditated by whoever or what? What are we going to call ourselves this time around? Long lost friends? Just friends? Exes? A couple of lovers who’d been pathetic but would give it a second chance in a totally new quest? Would we do that? A second chance? Should we just pat each other’s shoulders thanks for the trip full of lessons (but no thanks, this time around)? What would he expect from me? Would we just trigger the pain we’ve kept so long in the all-this-while-hidden chest? Would we turn out repeating the mess we were in? Perhaps we would just be the worst foes of all, and we should have never been in touch anyway, huh? Are we better off not seeing each other anymore (because it actually hurts to even think about him, even though I keep no regret nor repentance over the pasts)? Nevertheless, this has got to mean something…” -maybethelastofme.

Hey, she looks so glad…but why the flowers, eh?

They are not just flowers, you know. They are lilies… :>

Well, yeah, why them?

‘Coz they are not roses.

Oh, so, they are atypical and special, is that what you mean?

Umm, yeah something like that, special, yeah. I’m glad I picked lilies. They aren’t just like any other flowers or typical roses.

So should I say, you are special (because you picked them) or she is?  

Umm…I think…the flowers are?                                              

Bingo! #_#                      

WE ARE ALL FUNNIER THAN WE THINK ~ Harry Lorayne

If only I had a reason…

For me to dodge the illusory threat

Perhaps I’d be happier a person

Instead of lying in state

If only I found a reason…

For me not to hate

I could have grown the affection

And forever wait

If only was there a reason…

For me to fight the fate

Perhaps the doubts could all be thrown

And I’d stay up late

I was looking for a reason…

But all I ever found was something dead

‘Cause I was alone

And left alone, and afraid

I.A.A.

I want to thank a friend

For the love and hands

For the care and share

For being the ears and the fan

But why do I have this thing against;

If her sincerity I would turn out degrading

With a thanks

Perhaps a thanks would kill the self-centred person

Whom I might have appeared like without one

Perhaps she would learn to give more if I get to say thanks

Perhaps she would only realize how much I appreciate her

With just a little thanks

But that would be again all about me

Her love and hands are genuine

I must believe in her

I must appreciate her sincerity

By not assuming that she needs anything

In return of what she has bestowed me

Not even a thanks

So I thank her,

without a thanks…

P/s: Eh, don’t tell me you’ve come to believe that love or friendship could stand so unconditional, so it could do without showing or letting the people you love or them who love you, that you thank and appreciate them. Cut out the unnecessary ego and self-contentment because, I believe, whoever the persons you are in love with, are only human. Show them your appreciation. Show them you care. Not because they are not sincere of doing or returning the same so expecting you to notice, because they need it and so do you. Thank you.

I.A.A